Saturday, August 7, 2010


6th and 7th August 2010

Sometimes I am not as courageous as you think because on Friday, I really did not feel up to going to school, you see my pain was just tormenting me to the point that I thought I was going to vomit. My right knee I could not bend at all as when I attempted to the pain ripped through my entire leg, on this day all I wanted to do was curl up in a corner somewhere, try to shut out the whole world and I guess basically feel sorry for myself. Then I thought, no, I promised myself that this cancer and its devastating side effects were not going to beat me, I have to fight it, I must remain focused and strong.

School was really a little bit of a haze to me as the pain invaded me but I breathed through it and put a smile on my face, I hate letting people know how much pain I am, I don't want them to feel sorry for me. It was Integrated Studies at school first and the class were working on a task from a movie that they watched when I was not there, so the teacher gave me the assessment task that we are working on. It is to research information about a feral animal that was introduced to Australia. I decided to research the Oryctolagus cuniculus which is the European wild rabbit, they arrived in Australia with the First Fleet and cause severe damage to the natural environment and agriculture in Australia. We have to answer several questions on the topic and then present the information as a display. After Integrated Studies I then had double science, we made a circuit using batteries, bulbs and switches, we had to try to make a circuit that had two batteries, two globes and two switches and it had to work. I worked with Carly and after some initial hiccups, ours worked perfectly. We then had to draw up the circuit that we had made, it is not a normal drawing there are special little symbols for different parts of the circuit. School was arduous and it was with relief and some pride that I had actually made it there and done as much as I could, heading home I cried, I needed that warm and comforting hug from Mum once we got inside the house.

Heat, voltaren, massages and pain killers helped a little for the rest of the day, but I was not able to do my physiotherapy exercises, I just couldn't. I spent the rest of the day resting on the lounge nodding off to sleep, waking, playing some Nintendo DS and eventually watching my Tinkerbell DVD.

My day was brightened when I received the most extraordinary email for Sarah, I have mentioned her before, I met her at the Brain Tumour meeting she is so inspiring and I think that we were destined to meet, so does she. She shared a special message that someone sent her in a card and I would like to share it with you too "Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark". I am excited because we are going to organise to get together, even though she is older than me, I feel so comfortable with her and we can share our experiences and I know that she will truly understand.

My pain kept me awake again overnight, this seems to be more than just a little hurdle for me it is like a marathon race but I remain determined that I will finish it eventually, meaning that my pain will be taken away.

Dad had to work another race meeting again today, two days in a row, that is pretty unfair. So we had to take Jarrett out to Stromlo for running training. It had been frosty overnight, the sun was out and was melting the icy patches very quickly. The air was still and fresh, Mum, Nalani and I went for a walk around the track. The view from the course over to Black Mountain was so picturesque as a light fog still gently floated at the base of the mountain and the tower seemed to glisten in the sunlight.

I was so tired still and when we came home I needed to rest my weary body. I wrote a list for packing for when we go to Brisbane. We then went for a walk to the Gungahlin Town Centre for a couple of groceries. When we were there I felt a wave of nausea come over me, my knee was pounding and the pain went into my spine, so we came home. I rested again, took a pain killer and then typed some letters to people who had written to me.

In the footy tips I have got both games right so far this week so I am hoping that the other games will go in my favour as I really need to have a great week to catch up to Pop, or he is going to win this season.

I had homework for English, I made a word search that related to the book I am reading - The Giver. I used the computer to do it and it made it much easier than trying to write it up. I printed it out on pink paper and was really happy with my effort.

Next week is quite busy as I have school on Tuesday and Thursday, physiotherapy on Wednesday, assignments to complete and running training for Jarrett.

'If the task in front of us is a mountain, we don't have to climb it all at once, if we take one small step at a time we will suddenly find we have conquered that mountain"


Anonymous said...

Dear Dainere
We were hoping to hear you had some relief from your pain and are so sorry that you haven't. We are very proud of the way you handle it though. You know, it is OK to tell people about your pain, a trouble shared they say is a trouble halved.

Pop isn't doing very well this week at the footy tips so we think you may very well catch up. If you get all right this week, Pop will only get one right as the only two you have the same is the Raiders.

We are looking forward to seeing you when you come up here. It is not long now. You will still need to pack something warm for the early morning, and late afternoon. It has been pretty cold here today as we have had southerly winds, sent to us from Canberra we think. Would you please try and keep your cold weather down your way.

Sounds like you did some very interesting work at school this week. Rabbits as pets up this way are a definite no, they are actually banned. If anyone was caught with them here they would face a very heavy fine.

You certainly have a really busy week next week. Hopefully you will get some relief from your pain with physio.

Sarah sounds a really lovely lady, and you are right, it is very easy to talk with someone who has had a similar journey as yours. So many people are afraid of cancer and don't know how to talk with someone who is a sufferer.

Anyway, keep smiling, keep warm and Pop said don't keep winning at the footy.

Love you very much
Nan and Pop xxx ooooo xxxxxx

The said...

Dear Dainere,
I have just finished reading your book.
What an excellent job you have done.
I could not put the book down, which is kind of interesting because I don't particularly like to read.
My husband Michael bought it for our 10 year old daughter Sally to read but I thought that I should read it first.
So I started up a relaxing bath and 2 hours later was still there.
Couldn't sleep so I kept reading until 1am. I needed to know how your journey was going.
Lunch time came I quickly went to the lunchroom for a good 25 minute read. Then I had to wait until 8pm last night. Then finally I finished. But I wanted more so here I am now on your blog and will catch up on your last 5 months.
You are such a positive young lady. With all the ups and downs you still managed to make your book such a positive read.
I hope it sells well and that your donation to Sydney Children's Research Foundation Brain Tumour Fund is huge.
I intend to recommend the book to all that I speak to.
Congratulations and a job well done with it. Such a fantastic wish that you made and had come true.
You will inspire many and motivate many more that don't have your illness and hopefully make all aware of the need for fundraising for such a great cause.
You are so mature for someone so young.
I wish you well and look forward to catching up with your last 5 months and your future journey.

Anonymous said...

Dainere - it's been a while since I caught up on your blog... and I have to say I missed you!

It's ironic - I was going to try and write something inspirational like a waterfall starts with just one drop or that a marathon starts with the first step.... but you have the quote about the moutain.

I did want to say something though... and I know it can be hard to judge. But sometimes, giving yourself a little time to just be quiet/heal/recover is what you need and it's ok to do that. Hmm how to explain? Say for Jarrett when he's injured, injury management is just as important as putting in the hard work at training and when he competes? And when he doesn't look after himself he doesn't recover as well as he could? Looking after yourself is more than putting on a brave face, sometimes, it's letting ourselves show our vulerable face. It doesn't mean we're any less strong, it just means we've given ourselves permission to be human. I would be really sad if you felt you always had to be strong.... it's not fair on yourself to think like that.

So my sweet blossom, whilst I will always admire your strength and determination and courage and that will never change, know that's it's ok sometimes not to be those things and it doesn't make you any less of a strong, courageous and inspiring person.

Anyway, sorry if it sounded like I was on my soapbox today.

BTW - good work on those footy tips too.... any for this coming round? I have no idea and just go by the colours I prefer... LOL.