6th and 7th August 2010
Sometimes I am not as courageous as you think because on Friday, I really did not feel up to going to school, you see my pain was just tormenting me to the point that I thought I was going to vomit. My right knee I could not bend at all as when I attempted to the pain ripped through my entire leg, on this day all I wanted to do was curl up in a corner somewhere, try to shut out the whole world and I guess basically feel sorry for myself. Then I thought, no, I promised myself that this cancer and its devastating side effects were not going to beat me, I have to fight it, I must remain focused and strong.
School was really a little bit of a haze to me as the pain invaded me but I breathed through it and put a smile on my face, I hate letting people know how much pain I am, I don't want them to feel sorry for me. It was Integrated Studies at school first and the class were working on a task from a movie that they watched when I was not there, so the teacher gave me the assessment task that we are working on. It is to research information about a feral animal that was introduced to Australia. I decided to research the Oryctolagus cuniculus which is the European wild rabbit, they arrived in Australia with the First Fleet and cause severe damage to the natural environment and agriculture in Australia. We have to answer several questions on the topic and then present the information as a display. After Integrated Studies I then had double science, we made a circuit using batteries, bulbs and switches, we had to try to make a circuit that had two batteries, two globes and two switches and it had to work. I worked with Carly and after some initial hiccups, ours worked perfectly. We then had to draw up the circuit that we had made, it is not a normal drawing there are special little symbols for different parts of the circuit. School was arduous and it was with relief and some pride that I had actually made it there and done as much as I could, heading home I cried, I needed that warm and comforting hug from Mum once we got inside the house.
Heat, voltaren, massages and pain killers helped a little for the rest of the day, but I was not able to do my physiotherapy exercises, I just couldn't. I spent the rest of the day resting on the lounge nodding off to sleep, waking, playing some Nintendo DS and eventually watching my Tinkerbell DVD.
My day was brightened when I received the most extraordinary email for Sarah, I have mentioned her before, I met her at the Brain Tumour meeting she is so inspiring and I think that we were destined to meet, so does she. She shared a special message that someone sent her in a card and I would like to share it with you too "Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark". I am excited because we are going to organise to get together, even though she is older than me, I feel so comfortable with her and we can share our experiences and I know that she will truly understand.
My pain kept me awake again overnight, this seems to be more than just a little hurdle for me it is like a marathon race but I remain determined that I will finish it eventually, meaning that my pain will be taken away.
Dad had to work another race meeting again today, two days in a row, that is pretty unfair. So we had to take Jarrett out to Stromlo for running training. It had been frosty overnight, the sun was out and was melting the icy patches very quickly. The air was still and fresh, Mum, Nalani and I went for a walk around the track. The view from the course over to Black Mountain was so picturesque as a light fog still gently floated at the base of the mountain and the tower seemed to glisten in the sunlight.
I was so tired still and when we came home I needed to rest my weary body. I wrote a list for packing for when we go to Brisbane. We then went for a walk to the Gungahlin Town Centre for a couple of groceries. When we were there I felt a wave of nausea come over me, my knee was pounding and the pain went into my spine, so we came home. I rested again, took a pain killer and then typed some letters to people who had written to me.
In the footy tips I have got both games right so far this week so I am hoping that the other games will go in my favour as I really need to have a great week to catch up to Pop, or he is going to win this season.
I had homework for English, I made a word search that related to the book I am reading - The Giver. I used the computer to do it and it made it much easier than trying to write it up. I printed it out on pink paper and was really happy with my effort.
Next week is quite busy as I have school on Tuesday and Thursday, physiotherapy on Wednesday, assignments to complete and running training for Jarrett.
'If the task in front of us is a mountain, we don't have to climb it all at once, if we take one small step at a time we will suddenly find we have conquered that mountain"