BEAUTY COMES FROM THE INSIDE

8th and 9th August 2010

Life is not about running away from our problems it is about facing them head on and attempting to defeat them. My pain continues to fill my days causing me difficulties with walking, standing, sitting and sleeping, it gets to the point that I feel so nauseous and just want to cry out for someone to make it stop. I am hoping that on my return visit to Sydney in September that the doctors can do something to give me some relief. Until then I try to ignore it and find comfort in the love of my Mum mainly as well as Nalani, Jarrett and Dad who are there trying to help me in any way they can.

Sunday morning I was tired and sore but I still went to running training for Jarrett at the AIS. It was only two degrees when we first arrived there but with the sun shinning brightly it quickly warmed up and we were able to go for a walk, I noticed that the wattles are starting to bloom, this is a sign that Spring is coming, Wattle Day is on 1st September and by then the wattle trees are in full bloom with golden, yellow flowers. When we came home we worked on homework and Nalani even asked my advice on what drawing she could do for a new cover for a book she read called Taronga, she told me the story and then I drew what I thought she could do, she liked some of my ideas and is going to use them in her final drawing. I did some reorganising of the drawers in my bedroom in the afternoon the weather had become extremely wintry again as the cold winds from the mountain engulfed the city.

At night we watched the City to Surf replay on television, Jarrett would love to run in it one day when he is older. We were cheering on Martin Dent because he is a local runner from Canberra and he is an inspiration to Jarrett and when they run, Jarrett has a very similar style to him. It was a great race, I can not believe how many people run it. I am so looking forward now to the run that we are doing in November, The Train For the Brain Fun Run.

I went to bed feeling tired hoping that I would have a less interrupted night sleep, however I woke frequently every hour with pain and discomfort, but after 4am I slept through until 8am without waking, so for me that was fantastic. When I woke, I was still feeling so tired and the pain continued to cause me discomfort particularly in my right knee, foot, ankle and hip.

I did not have school today which was a relief in a way because I think I have said this before, on the days I don't have school, it is not a rush and I can take my time. The sky this morning was crystal clear, not a cloud in sight and the air still however quite crisp as there had been a frost overnight. The suns rays must be brighter and warmer in the mornings now because the temperature seemed to rise much more quickly. I sat with my leg elevated to try to help the pain in my sunny position in the family room and did my Mathletics homework, it was algebra questions and there were three different activities each with ten questions. I was so proud of myself because I was able to achieve 100% in each activity, I am enjoying algebra immensely. I helped Mum decorate a box for the Race Course for my Collection Tin for the Sydney Children's Hospital Brain Tumour Fund, it is going to be placed in Mr Cappuccino's Coffee outlet every race day. We then played Upwords which I won because Mum was stuck with the 'Qu' and there was absolutely no where she could put it, you really need to get those sort of letters early in the game.

After a refreshing, warm cup of tea and attempting to do some of my physiotherapy exercises which my upper body ones I found not too difficult but trying to ride the exercise bike proved too much for me as my knee could not handle it. I asked Mum if I could start to do some packing for Brisbane, so she pulled out my pink suitcase, the one I always took to hospital with me when I was having chemotherapy and I began to go through my list and pack. I am so excited about going to Brisbane in just ten days, not only will I get to see Jarrett running, we will also be able to see my Nana and Pop again because they live on the Sunshine Coast. Packing actually made me quite fatigued and my pain was starting to get on top of me again so I rested in the lounge with my fluffy pink blanket and Theodore. We then watched the Princess Protection Program DVD, there were some really great lessons in it, like a princess is not someone who is popular and looks gorgeous they are someone who is kind, loving and generous, beauty comes from within and then shines on the outside. Mum said I am a princess because I think of others all the time and have done so much to help others when in my situation I could of easily have been selfish and take advantage of my illness. That would never be me, my journey is one that I have been specially chosen for and I know that through my journey I am meant to help many people.

I am now going to try to finish off my weaving for Textiles next week, my right hand is starting to cause me problems again and I feel if I don't do it today, I may not be capable of doing it tomorrow. Only two more days until I have physiotherapy, I can hardly wait, it often provides me with some relief, it certainly does not cure anything but at least a couple of days of some relief is better than nothing at all.