9th, 10th and 11th May 2010
She's guided me the best she can
She's taught me like no other
and I'm thankful that I am the lucky one
Who gets to call her Mum.
My Mum is such an extraordinary person, she has held my hand, mopped by brow, toileted me, given me injections, reassured me, watched me suffer, given me hope, gone without for me and loves Nalani, Jarrett and I unconditionally. On Mothers Day I could not stop hugging her and telling her how much I loved her for all she does for me. I gave her the decoupage heart box that I had made and we gave her a new 'big' handbag. I think Mum's love big handbags because they seem to have absolutely everything in them, whenever you need a band aid it's in there, tissues, deodorant, pens, paper, needle and thread, it is almost like a magicians bag of tricks. Do you know what though was the most special part of Mothers Day, it was that we were all together as a family this year and that is such a precious gift, the gift of family and love.
I was in tremendous pain on that day I was unable to stand and even my scar was giving me more grief than usual it actually felt like it was ripping apart but it wasn't it was the weirdest sensation and quite frightening. I think I have told you before that there was significant nerve damage done where they cut to drain out all the excess fluid prior to removing the tumour and it often gives me some problems but on this day it was unbelievable.
I found a glorious spot in the house where the sun was streaming through the glass and I just sat and soaked up that sun into my aching bones and it felt almost like paradise, the warmth seeped through my body and made me feel so relieved then the sun disappeared and the pain returned but that short amount of time made such a difference.
This week is NAPLAN at school and as I am only a part time student and I would not cope with the amount of time and have missed all Year 6 work I am not taking part in the testing so it was suggested by my teacher that because I have been in so much pain having this week off would be beneficial to me. I have also had the return of the headaches that thump constantly and make my eyesight all blurry so having a break will hopefully help me for next week when I am going to go on Monday and Tuesday because then my Grade are off to camp.
Today however I was a special guest speaker at Senior School and Middle School assemblies, I spoke about my book, the launch and what I am hoping to achieve. Then after the Middle School Assembly I was signing and selling copies of my book. I sold thirty two copies of my book and the school also took orders for it which were around the same number.
Tass came today and took another box of thirty books, he has now sold one hundred of my books how fantastic is that. I now have three hundred and sixty books left to sell and I hope that I can all of those sold within the next month. I have already being sending money to the Sydney Children's Hospital Brain Tumour Fund and it would be so fanastic when I return to Sydney for all my tests if all my books were sold and the reprint was on its way.
I am so passionate about helping others and I do hope that people will continue to purchase my book. I have had so many encouraging comments about my book from people who have read it and it seems that I am touching people and inspiring them and this makes me feel so marvellous and I just want to keep having that feeling it gives me so much strength. Someone once told me that even when the odds are against you if you remain positive miracles can occur and I hold onto this thought constantly in the hope of that miracle.
The last few days have been difficult with the pain I have been experiencing as well as my mobility declining instead of improving and the headaches but I keep that smile on my face and my spirits up because you can't give up, I think this applies to anything that is happening to anyone in life. You have to look for at least one positive and build on that and then your negatives will still be there but the strength of positivity can outweigh them and ease them.
We have started packing our boxes ready for our move, I am counting the days I am seeing this move as a positive for me with my rehabilitation and the sooner it happens the better. I have been writing some poetry and doing some scrap booking and have played Upwords each day to help my spelling skills.
Some days it bothers me tremendously that I am unable to communicate verbally the way I can in thought and writing, I know what I want to say but it does not always come out and then sometimes my words come out pronounced wrong and that upsets me. I know it is part of the damage done by the tumour and nothing will change that and no matter how hard I try or how determined I am it is now part of who I am.
Friday is my School Cross Country and on that day I am going to possess so much determination and courage and I am going to walk - even if it is just a small distance after completing the 3km rugged and bumpy course across that finish line, it is a goal I set myself and I am not going to let myself or those who have supported me down. I will let you know how I go and I am going to try to get a photograph of the epic event. Jarrett and Nalani are also running that day, they are both running 4km and I know that they will also show courage, determination and good sportsmanship in their races and I am hoping that Jarrett will win his age group and break the school record and Nalani will come in the top three for her age group, they have trained with dedication for this day. Ever since I was diagnosed with my cancer Jarrett always says before he runs that he is dedicating his run to me because he loves me and thinks I am an inspiration.
Each day I wake up and am grateful that I am here and can still continue to work on inspiring others along the way.