19th and 20th July 2010
Tears trickled like a stream during heavy rains on Sunday night as I suffered with tremendous pain, I rated it a nine out of ten, it was in my shoulders and travelled up into my neck and the back of my head. I would sleep for approximately half an hour after a massage and heat then wake again. I just wanted to sleep well ready for school on Monday and I was becoming more distressed and anxious each time I woke. The morning came and how I felt is really indescribable, perhaps I could say I felt like I had been on a gruelling adventure that left me battered from head to toe.
Life goes on though and I had to go to school, so I raised by weary body and with Mum's help I somehow was ready on time. The weather looked like how I felt, it was disastrous, so bleak, overcast and inclement. Many excited voices filled the classroom as the teacher marked the roll and we headed off to Chapel. Chapel is a time for reflection and I thought this would give me a chance to compose myself and try to overcome my intense pain and tiredness. We heard about the story of Noah's Ark and how he had faith and trust in what God asked him to do. Then we were told that we should be proud to have faith and to never feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about our faith to others. I know that I have done this frequently in my Blog, like Noah I have been given a journey to fulfill, I don't know when I will fulfill it but God is there beside me all the way even though I do sometimes question where he is taking me.
After Chapel it was time for PE, although we were not starting athletics this week, I was still included in what the rest of the class was doing, they were finishing a unit on Volleyball and even though I could not play volleyball I had the opportunity to pass the ball to Ally in my class who is sporting an injury and is unable to participate also. Our arms became heavy and tired after we had thrown to each other for about fifteen minutes. I think that was my upper arm exercises for the day, I also found that my right hand had swollen and was rather painful but I had enjoyed the experience.
The last lesson for the morning was Insight and we worked on a code breaker using mobile phone numbers and letters. This was quite easy for me to do, as I had been able to do lots of puzzles when I was in hospital last year. I was glad when it was recess because I was still feeling completely exhausted and just wanted to go home for a warm drink and a rest.
As we walked home, it began to rain only adding to the misery of the day. Once home I was comforted with a lovely warm cup of tea, a hot water bottle and the security of being indoors. I wanted to play Upwords, then had a rest before it was time to return to school after lunch for Double English. This Term we are looking at Science Fiction and we had the choice of two books to read; The Giver or The Lake at the End of the World. I chose The Giver because we had found that at Salvation Army during the holidays and I thought it was easier to follow, as The Lake at the End of the World is written with two people's opinions in it and that could become very confusing for me to comprehend. After choosing our books we had to read for twenty minutes, after fifteen minutes I found my eyes felt heavy, began to flicker and the writing in front of me became a blur or words all running together and all I wanted to do was lay my head on the table and go to sleep. Doing the morning then the afternoon at school was such a challenge for me, when I came home I burst into tears, my whole body ached, I felt ill, my head was viciously thumping and I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep. I had a wonderful warm shower hoping it would pacify my woes but I just sat in there, I have a shower sitting on a shower chair as I am unable to stand and I continued to cry. When Mum got me out and dried me, I slumped on the bed, exhausted and I slept for half an hour. When I woke I was still drained and in pain but at least I was paralysed as I had felt earlier.
I set myself a goal at the beginning of the school year to be able to attend school full time by the end of the year, after yesterday I am doubting whether this is gong to be possible, but I know I have to continue to be determined.
A few hours sleep again last night, this time every time I moved my shoulders clicked and I was in pain, my knee became stuck and I had some breathing difficulties again. What is it like to sleep well? I wish there was some way that I could sleep a full night without waking, I think that would feel like heaven.
I stayed in bed this morning drifting in and out of sleep, as today was not a day that I go to school and thank goodness as it gives me a chance to recover ready for tomorrow when I do have school again. I think your body guides you as to what you can and can't do and yesterday mine was telling me I had done too much.
My morning was spent working on a title page for my Integrated Studies Scrap Book that we have this Term. The sun was shinning brilliantly, such a different day compared to yesterday and in the late morning Mum and I went for a walk, to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine and also to pay our rent, it was a short outing but I did enjoy the lovely Winter day that we were blessed to have today.
We played Upwords and then Mum read some of the book The Giver to me, it is so much easier for me to concentrate when she read to me rather than my flickering eyes trying to follow the words and comprehend what is happening in the story. I have decided to have a Mummy special and rest before we have to take Jarrett to running training this afternoon.
Tomorrow is a busy day, I have school until recess and have the opportunity to enjoy my new electives; Textiles and French and then we have to collect Nalani and take off to Deakin, she has been fortunate enough to get an appointment tomorrow at 11.30am with the Sports Physician, who will be able to inform her what is going on with her knee. She is so elated as now she does not have to wait until 10th August when her appointment originally was.
Thank you again to the many people who leave the most beautiful and encouraging comments, advice, their stories and quotes on my Blog, please know that I treasure each and every one.
'When I have my lowest lows, I know that your love will be there to keep me warm and remind me of the sunshine within'